I SPEAK UNTO YOU THE THINGS I AM SAYING

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J.R. Goldberg Portfolio

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Silly Ish

Skull-sucker…

I recently did this teensy 6×6 inch painting on a thick, pine panel with my favorite acrylic inks.  Yuhknow, just for funzies.  I thought I should share it with your faces. I’m considering selling prints of this lil’ dood…  If there is interest, tell me!

skullsucker

DOLLOP.

I had this lil’ stuffed doods at SDCC, but sold out of them almost instantaneously!  I will be making some more, but as I have no photo documentation of the physical lil’ guys, here is the original drawing they done sprang from…

The second they are available again, I’ll be sure to post a linky!

ghosttoy-Dollopmultiweb

Instant Art-Critique Phrase Generator

To all the current, and former art students out there…

This one goes out to you…

crit-phrase

This was handed down to me as a joke by one of my favorite former instructors.  If you’ve ever had to withstand a “critique”, or “crit” with a room full of pretentious dickfaces/art students, you’ll get a kick outta dis.  You could also head over to your nearest über conceptual gallery/museum with a printed copy of this bad-boy, and read some of these phrases aloud.  You will definitely get a few swiveled heads, or raised brows.

Sweet, suckling swine.

KILL ME!!

My sister received one of these lil’ guys as a gift recently, and excitedly told me about it today.  I have never heard about this wondrous candy, this “Peppermint Pig” until now; a glorious product of the Saratoga Sweet Company.  This mint-flavored, hard candy hog includes a small faux-velvet whacking sack, as well as a tiny metal hammer.  The idea is, you stick the candy pig in the sack, tie it off, and beat its minty face in with the mini hammer until it breaks into smaller, edible pieces.

I suppose that makes sense, as opposed to sticking the whole goddamn pig in your face at once.  All the pleasures of pounding a live swine in a sack, without having to endure all that horrid squealing!

What fun!!

Penguin Man.

I’ve had this video sitting in my YouTube favorites for ages collecting dust, growing molds and mosses. I felt it necessary to bring it to your attention.

Horrors of PRON.

fop-27-enemy_hammock1A favorite PRON image from SomethingAwful.com’s “Horrors of Pornography” section.  You can see every tooth in the mouth of that girl on the lower left!  Impressive!  Speaking of which, Zack Parsons is my hero.

Ahhh, Scotland.

Rifling through some old picture files, I stumbled upon this gem I scanned in High School.  It came from an encyclopedic book about Scotland and its customs.  So, what have you learned about Scotland today, kids?upskirtscott

Batman FAIL

funny pictures
My poor Dad was sad that Failblog.org hadn’t accepted his entry, so I thought I’d throw it up here, as an ode to him.

I used the image from “John, herald to the planet eater’s” flickr, and LOLbuilder for the text.

I’m a fucking wizard.

I’ve dugg the shit that Brad Neely has thrown for quite some time…  but this episode I done dugged as one of my favorites.  You kiddies should pop over, and oggle Mr. Neely’s other witty, and historically accurate videos, if you respond strongly to this one.

PS: The title of this post comes from one of the few flash tub games, notably named “The Stupid Room“…  give it a go.  It will make you shit your pants.